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Sleepless

by Palm Reader

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1.
Hold/Release 05:09
Affected by the expectancy. Who’s opinions determine the course of the life you lead? This can’t last. A hold with no release. What they want to see. Tradition hitting it’s mark. I’m wide open. No, this can’t last. I’m starting to believe.. Euphoria will never make a home in me. When did I last feel free? The same story of the son (who runs.) Will be told again. How he held it in. Now he’s suffering. When did I last feel free? Stretched thin again. Relentless wishing. A pursuit with no end. The pressure is hidden. Slowly building and buckling to vent. The tendency being to define the strong as silent. Though they speak of fear. They hide a loss of innocence and a rolling tear. There’s relief in conversation but we don’t… speak of this. We don’t speak. Burdened by silence, when will we speak? Speak. It’s not too late. Euphoria will never find me.
2.
Stay Down 04:15
Beating after beating. Rebound. I’ve been patient, patient enough to hold back. Until Now. Teaching my feet to leave the ground. Feel the weight lift. Taking off on the right track. Those thoughts have their place at the back of my mind. Stay down. They didn’t tell me, I felt it. There were no choices or questions. This body has a mind of its own. Wide-eyed in the dark. While it died in my arms. This life is a lesson to learn. Passed every point of regret Dancing over my own grave. I held back. Until now. Silence is half the noise in this duet. Asking over and over for it to end, only kept you alive in my head. To be trusting and fuelled by misdirection. To be fuelled by a misdirection. To be innocent beyond recognition. So you ask the question Is this something you chose or something you’re forced to invest in?
3.
Ending Cycle 04:41
Cowardice and it’s downfalls. I was powerless to the outpours. Forced to face a loss of life, I caved in. Disaster would be the master of me. I found solace in a senseless act. I saw less of what could bring me back. The vicious fact of feelings surpassed by greed. Still breathing. Yeah, i found that sigh of relief. Chorus The winding of life’s path eventually leads. To finding the shadows cast are where they’re meant to be. Now i move with a sense of pride. I feel it kicking in. Passive turned to active and it’s holding. Shoulders back. A bold attack on any doubts i had. A step forward into boldness and it’s holding. I’m feeding at the thought of it. I’ve latched on to the root of it. Why did it take so long to stop running from these demons? I’m still breathing. I found that sigh of relief.
4.
Willow 03:58
I see her She stares out Across and over When she’s told She hunts the ground The loss takes over As expected She stays low Buckled in shade Waiting for some kind of hope Competing feelings of disbelief What is this? Seek your shelter beneath the leaves Promises Cover regained, you still suffer the rain. Despite the deafening sound I hear the weeping of the Willow Only the sleepless mother will know What it takes to leave a light behind Willow Your secrets safe inside This life, a shrine to those lost We look to the mother To summon a force within us all And though her grip struggles She still holds the key to every door You plant the seed that holds belief Within this grief, there is release and you will see it (We lose focus) This season (We lose sight) This void of yours (But look to the water) Resolve comes closer And there we find you
5.
With our hands weaved together. We’ll stand in tangled medicine. Forever. Another otherness belongs to us again. We’re blossoming. The whisper cries a name. The mystery. The flame. We walked. Our heels clipped the ground. We slipped and surrounded each other. Lost in bliss and it’s boundless wonder. The heart knew nothing of itself. A wealth of ignorance took the helm. That kind of bliss will never help. Now it sings, it sings a song of health. A love like new. Now in darkness, we overwhelm. Another otherness belongs to us again. The whisper cries a name. The mystery. The flame. The flame found it’s form in the shape of you. The shape of you. A love like new.
6.
Islay 03:24
7.
False Thirst 06:32
In turning away from this. The guiding light finally fades. A story seen, but never heard. So seamless and incomplete. So unsure. Should it be easy? The way we grow. A relief so sweet in.. tomorrow. I’m not fighting against the change of pace again. I won’t miss the wave. A chance to escape again. I’m finding a way to take the lead when life has it’s way of taking hold. Set back. A chance to rearrange myself. I’m intact. I don’t feel the same. A story seen, but never heard. So seamless, but incomplete. So unsure. (shoulditbeshoulditbe?) The way we grow through it all. So I step back towards the unknown. Taking note of the impact before letting go. The burden carried is taking it’s toll. A story seen // but never heard. A statement made // without a single word.
8.
Brink 04:44
We once lived as the hunted. Disguised in smiles. A fear of anger. Those circling thoughts were spiralling right in front of me. Silencing me. They beat the lies into you. Blur the lines of truth. You found the brink. You’re close to it. Find a voice and finally.. ..be the one to tell your story. Shame will always call their name. Hollowed out to a shell. An echo chamber of lies, taking over the mind. Searching in what was reality. Passing comfortably around the pain. As I surround the outskirts of a mind that warped reality to survive. Flaws shine through a screen of widened eyes. Though I do not fear becoming you, because you’re so far gone. It’s true that a part of you lives in me. But that piece will only serve as a warning.
9.
You spend the evening remembering. Lazy recollections of a lighter side. A certain timeless connection with… a lurking crossroad state of mind. You’ve taken flight. You’re avoiding it. You picked a side and we… we ran the course until.. you closed your eyes. Sleep You wake up without the memory. Precision lost in a hasty return. It takes a while to reassemble the words. And it hurts. You changed your mind. Made a choice to stay. You picked a side and we… We keep moving.
10.
It felts a lot like we were pacing Like a loss of sanity, among other things Like almost anything, was just a matter of time So much more than four walls encasing That cage before this stage was just a matter of time. I remember the way your face lifted, When it came to light all the things you might see You and I, we were counting down the days til it kicked in. We were ready to leave Freedom found in the feeling of gaining ground when All you’ve known has become so stagnant Eyes forward A road lay out ahead of us An obsession was taking hold Reliant on blind faith Desperate to break the mould The sound of timelines colliding The sight of spirits picking up The synchronised rise and fall of us The guiding light of times gone by Giving way to a different shade A pitch black disease of the mind We picked apart the reasoning Pulling the thread at the seams of this It seemed as though the end was creeping closer We chose to make the most of it If all we had was a chance Strong enough to make this last Long enough to feel something more Defiance will guide us You and I… No longer counting down the days til it kicks in

credits

released November 27, 2020

Produced, Mixed & Mastered by Lewis Johns at The Ranch Production House, Southampton UK

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